I can't eat whatever I want

So I am falling back into those bad habits.  But I haven't started eating sweets yet.  Or crackers.  Or bread (except for naan), or chips.  Yes indeedy, I am staying away from all those foods that are "dangerous" to me, only to find that I have a new set of dangerous foods.

Lets face it.  It isn't the food exactly.  Yes I love sweets, but the real problem is I love it all.  I have never said that my problem was sweets, so I don't know why I think that if I just don't eat sweets I won't overeat.  I like food.  Doesn't matter.  My problem is always quantity.  A little is good a lot is better.

So seeing this trend again I have to take a step back and re-think this whole  thing.  The only way that I can control the amount that I eat is being unrelenting.  Can I be unrelenting?  Can I stop eating after a normal serving size.  I haven't been doing such a great job of it recently.  I find that when I am not sitting at my desk all day working and I am out and about I can control that overeating gene, but home working not so much.

I claim not to be an emotional eater, but truthfully that is not true.  Looking into the darkness of my soul I eat out of boredom.  But when you find your job boring what can you do?  Being aware of it is not good enough.  I need to have the same discipline that I had when on product, but I am not answering to anyone but myself, and it is so easy to talk yourself out of anything you don't want to do.

It is easy to stay focused on vacation, so I will be good for the next six days, and I will tackle this problem when I return.

Onwards Telluride.

I feel pretty oh so pretty

At our last class one of the people said that she was never more beautiful than she was now.  Another of my pet peeves that I have ranted and raved about over the years.  You don't lose weight to look good.  It isn't enough, and sometimes/probably most of the time, you will be disappointed.  You can't lose weight because you want to look good.

This is my humble opinion on looks.  We humans all look alike.
We have been conditioned to see minutia differences, and those very small differences are the difference between being attractive and not.

My black German Shepherd is beautiful to me, but if you put two black German Shepherds of the same size in a room, I don't know if I would be able to tell which one was mine (or which one owned me).   Maybe I would notice the grey in her neck, her eyes a bit browner?  But truthfully they look very much alike.

And humans when they age, oh my goodness, those subtle differences are even harder to tell apart.  My mother looks like so many other 91 year old women.  She has lost some of her distinctive features, and on first blush if I saw her where I wouldn't expect to see her I may not initially recognize her.

Looks are based on differences, and those difference don't have to be visual.  I remember first meeting someone and thinking that they were on the plain side, but after getting to know her, I couldn't believe I ever thought she was plain.

But sometimes those things you don't like on yourself is what actually makes you attractive or if not "attractive" noticeable.  Weight does have a negative impact on how people view your attractiveness, but you can't expect life to change for you just because you lost weight and people find something else to look at other than your weight (if they acknowledge your existence in the first place.)

Just saying if you are losing to look good, or to catch a mate, chances are you won't keep it off.  There has to be another reason to lose the weight.  People just have to find it.

Stranger Danger

It has been suggested by our facilitator to smile and say hello to people on the street.  I know quite a few people who do it, but I am not one of them.  I will say hello if someone says hello to me though.

More often then naught the people who say hello are  female.  In fact unless you are doing some activity that the male is doing (biking, hiking, swimming) it is rare that a male will say anything to you.

Today as I was walking back from swimming a normal male looked me straight in the eye and said hello.  I of course said hi back, but already my mind was on high alert - stranger danger. 

Yes I was thinking he was a serial killer and I was going to end up chopped up in his freezer.  When he said hello I immediately covered the name on my badge and almost ran the rest of the way home.

Men do not say hello to heavy women.  Never.  And if one does you know they want you so they finish up their skin suit.

I did make it home, so obviously I covered my name tag fast enough.

Phew.

Tiny tots

So I was so excited that they were holding a competitive swim camp here I could hardly sleep the night before.  I looked the guy up, and I couldn't find him anywhere.  But I did find some one with that name who was a 1964 Olympian.  I was sure that was him, and he was the first person to go under a minute in the 100 meter back, so I was even more excited.

When I got to the locker room there were two girls there waiting to go in and I mean girls.  One must have been 8 the other couldn't have been more than 10.  Aieeayeyay I was going to be the only adult there?  Did I misread the information?  Was it for kids?  I was now thinking how horrible this was going to be.  I imagined 8-10 prepubescent and me.  When we got to the pool the coach was talking to some old guy and I was hoping and praying that I was going to be swimming with this old geezer - please.  He did join us and that made four.  At least he was slower than I was even though those tweets left me in the dust.  Hey I am old you know.

The coach told me to jump in so he could have a look at my stroke, but before I did I asked him if he was the Olympian.  No. oh well.

I spent the next hour and a half listening to him tell me everything Laura has already told me, but I was in the pool showing off my skills so did I have fun- oh hell yes.

Can't wait til Thursday.