Why am I doing this again? I have been asking myself that. NOT the food, I am counting the days until I can have real food again. So I ask myself why?
I felt healthy, I can sit in seats with no problem, people don't care about my weight, I don't get those disgusted looks I used to. I exercise and I can reach down and pick things up. I don't have the feeling that if I don't lose the weight I am going to die. And even though I gained all this back, I don't hate my body like I used to. So why?
Because I am on a uncontrollable uphill slope. I am not where I was, but I was heading in that direction. I had stopped fighting the weight and I had let it take over. I ate what and when I wanted, I didn't watch the calories and the only thing that saved me was the exercise which helped keep me from gaining even more weight.
And there you have it. The exercise. The weight was hampering the exercise. I can swim, bike, walk or hike, but the more I gained the harder it all became. Water carries you, but you still have to pull yourself through the water. Hiking too was a bear. Pulling my body up those hills was pure torture. I realized in New Zealand I was handicapped on the walks because of my weight. T2 didn't find the hikes as challenging as I did, and I don't think I would have found them as challenging as I did if I had been even 30 pounds lighter. It was not a wake up call, but definitely helped to make up my mind.
I actually like moving. It doesn't have to always be breakneck, but moving makes me feel good. It makes me happy, and if I am going breakneck, I love the feeling when I am done. And if ever I lose that ability to move again...I just can't go there.
Tomorrow - 2nd weigh in
I felt healthy, I can sit in seats with no problem, people don't care about my weight, I don't get those disgusted looks I used to. I exercise and I can reach down and pick things up. I don't have the feeling that if I don't lose the weight I am going to die. And even though I gained all this back, I don't hate my body like I used to. So why?
Because I am on a uncontrollable uphill slope. I am not where I was, but I was heading in that direction. I had stopped fighting the weight and I had let it take over. I ate what and when I wanted, I didn't watch the calories and the only thing that saved me was the exercise which helped keep me from gaining even more weight.
And there you have it. The exercise. The weight was hampering the exercise. I can swim, bike, walk or hike, but the more I gained the harder it all became. Water carries you, but you still have to pull yourself through the water. Hiking too was a bear. Pulling my body up those hills was pure torture. I realized in New Zealand I was handicapped on the walks because of my weight. T2 didn't find the hikes as challenging as I did, and I don't think I would have found them as challenging as I did if I had been even 30 pounds lighter. It was not a wake up call, but definitely helped to make up my mind.
I actually like moving. It doesn't have to always be breakneck, but moving makes me feel good. It makes me happy, and if I am going breakneck, I love the feeling when I am done. And if ever I lose that ability to move again...I just can't go there.
Tomorrow - 2nd weigh in
I start my diets when my thighs begin to wear away the insides of my pants and I have to patch holes right under my crotch.
ReplyDeleteLOL At least you can keep wearing your pants
ReplyDeleteI'm with Tash on that other than I don't know how to patch holes (and don't want to learn - I just buy new underwear). T3 - VERY insightful comments - they're helpful to me too!
ReplyDeleteI take your point, although I didn't notice that you had any problems in NZ. I was the one who couldn't do the rainy day hike.
ReplyDelete