Negative

I don't reread my posts because I know that they have a bit of a negative flavor to them.  I am not really a negative person, and my thoughts are not consumed with negativity.

When I talk about people and their reactions to heavy people, I don't really spend a whole lot of time thinking about it.  I am generally talking about my observation to the situation, not my feelings in the moment.

When I am not around people, especially when I was heavier, I never thought about my weight and how people would react to me.  But when I was around people that is all I thought about.  It is why I did not like to go out a whole lot.  I was mentally safe in my house.

But like everyone who is not agoraphobic I could only stay home so long.  The world beckons and I had to get out.

At this weight I am comfortable being in public, I don't worry about what people are thinking and I don't think I am being laughed at or made fun of behind my back.  When on occasion someone does make a comment about my weight I am always a bit taken aback, and my feelings of course are hurt, but in general I just don't think that people notice my weight anymore.  Maybe they do, but I stay pretty oblivious to it all.

So I did not lose the weight the first time for my looks, or to get people to stop talking about me behind my back, I did it solely for my health.  I didn't do it for the world, I had been dealing with the world for years, it was all about me.  I wanted to be around for my puppy and the puppy after that, and I didn't think I would be if I stayed at the weight I was.  So I lost the weight.

Now I want to be active.  The weight I am at hampers some of that activity, so I want to lose the weight so I can do those activities with no excuse of weight.

My life is good and I am happy, and this is just a little more happiness.